May 23, 2009
I READ with interest the reports on how sex education is needed to counter worrying trends and the approaches to be taken.
There is one important factor missing in all the discussions and that is the context in which sex happens - in a relationship.
Sex education is not just about teaching how sex takes place or when sexuality is aroused. Nor is it about accepting the barrage of emotions involved in exploring alternative lifestyles. These make up only one component of sex education.
The reason there's such a mess is because the programme should be entitled "Relationships", with sex, sexuality and so on as sub-topics. If sex education is taught in isolation, our children will never see the importance of abstinence or why precautions are to be taken when engaging in sex.
Relationships should be the anchor to sex and sex education should be taught in the context of a relationship and all its intricacies, such as self-esteem, values and beliefs.
First, a complete and wholesome view of what a balanced relationship should be must be shared so that children from various backgrounds understand the goal and aim of having a relationship. The choices of abstinence and the consequences of indulging in premarital sex should be shared and revealed.
Share what happens when abstinence is not practised and when relationships are not honoured. Provide our children with a reference point for a good and wise choice.
Whatever the choice is, it is ultimately their choice and they should enter these scenarios with their eyes wide open.
Don't advocate options like wearing a condom as a choice for premarital sex. Instead, educate them on what is premarital sex in the context of a relationship so that our children know why it is not encouraged.
If they do eventually engage in it, it is their personal choice but one where they are made fully aware of the consequences. They need to be ready to deal with the situation after that.
So, it's really not sex education that needs to be taught. It's the importance of being in a responsible adult relationship that needs to be shared.
We, as a society, need to be brave to stand up for what's right, to communicate clearly what's right and allow our children to make the choices themselves and subsequently handle the various consequences of their choices.
Karen Chew (Mrs)
[The problem with this letter and letter writer is the simple naivete and conservative "stick our head in the sand" approach. There are some assumptions that needs to be addressed.
Consider the alleged youngest father in UK, the 13 yr-old boy with the 15 yr old "girlfriend" who claimed that the boy was the father of her child. The boy seems to think that he is in a relationship.
The point is that up to the age of 19 and sometimes beyond, people often think they are in a relationship and often believe that the relationship they are in is the best and the most sincere. And sex is often a consideration in the relationship, and so telling them that sex MUST happen in the context of a relationship merely transfers some weight to the relationship. Most teens engaging in sex believe that they are in a relationship. Some of course realise later or even understand beforehand that sex and relationship are not inseparable.
And herein lies the problem. If you tell kids what they know is not true, you lose credibility and then even when what you tell them is true, they won't believe you.
The "Sex must happen in a relationship" position is a value-laden statement that is not factually true. It is a teaching of values, yes, our conservative and prescribed value that we hope all our children will follow. But the reality is that not all of them will. Lots of people have sex outside of marriage and even outside of relationships and they give testimony that it is not only fine, it was great!
And here we go trying to hold the conservative line and it is not going to work. The kids will know you are feeding them a line.
They are curious and their hormonal changes drive them to immature and irresponsible acts. Telling them to be responsible and act matured is like trying to command the waves to stop crashing on the beach.
This is reverting to the old syllabus. It didn't work then. Why would it work now? And the vulnerable/stupid kids will continue to do stupid things advised by their stupid friends who tell them the wrong things that will get them into trouble.
Wouldn't it be better to give them the facts, tell them to talk to their parents, tell them what is fact and what is value, and tell them to respond to the situation in the most responsible way.
Or do conservatives believe that STD is God's punishment for premarital sex and condom use is thwarting God's natural punishment mechanism? Maybe we should teach that.]
I READ with interest the reports on how sex education is needed to counter worrying trends and the approaches to be taken.
There is one important factor missing in all the discussions and that is the context in which sex happens - in a relationship.
Sex education is not just about teaching how sex takes place or when sexuality is aroused. Nor is it about accepting the barrage of emotions involved in exploring alternative lifestyles. These make up only one component of sex education.
The reason there's such a mess is because the programme should be entitled "Relationships", with sex, sexuality and so on as sub-topics. If sex education is taught in isolation, our children will never see the importance of abstinence or why precautions are to be taken when engaging in sex.
Relationships should be the anchor to sex and sex education should be taught in the context of a relationship and all its intricacies, such as self-esteem, values and beliefs.
First, a complete and wholesome view of what a balanced relationship should be must be shared so that children from various backgrounds understand the goal and aim of having a relationship. The choices of abstinence and the consequences of indulging in premarital sex should be shared and revealed.
Share what happens when abstinence is not practised and when relationships are not honoured. Provide our children with a reference point for a good and wise choice.
Whatever the choice is, it is ultimately their choice and they should enter these scenarios with their eyes wide open.
Don't advocate options like wearing a condom as a choice for premarital sex. Instead, educate them on what is premarital sex in the context of a relationship so that our children know why it is not encouraged.
If they do eventually engage in it, it is their personal choice but one where they are made fully aware of the consequences. They need to be ready to deal with the situation after that.
So, it's really not sex education that needs to be taught. It's the importance of being in a responsible adult relationship that needs to be shared.
We, as a society, need to be brave to stand up for what's right, to communicate clearly what's right and allow our children to make the choices themselves and subsequently handle the various consequences of their choices.
Karen Chew (Mrs)
[The problem with this letter and letter writer is the simple naivete and conservative "stick our head in the sand" approach. There are some assumptions that needs to be addressed.
Consider the alleged youngest father in UK, the 13 yr-old boy with the 15 yr old "girlfriend" who claimed that the boy was the father of her child. The boy seems to think that he is in a relationship.
The point is that up to the age of 19 and sometimes beyond, people often think they are in a relationship and often believe that the relationship they are in is the best and the most sincere. And sex is often a consideration in the relationship, and so telling them that sex MUST happen in the context of a relationship merely transfers some weight to the relationship. Most teens engaging in sex believe that they are in a relationship. Some of course realise later or even understand beforehand that sex and relationship are not inseparable.
And herein lies the problem. If you tell kids what they know is not true, you lose credibility and then even when what you tell them is true, they won't believe you.
The "Sex must happen in a relationship" position is a value-laden statement that is not factually true. It is a teaching of values, yes, our conservative and prescribed value that we hope all our children will follow. But the reality is that not all of them will. Lots of people have sex outside of marriage and even outside of relationships and they give testimony that it is not only fine, it was great!
And here we go trying to hold the conservative line and it is not going to work. The kids will know you are feeding them a line.
They are curious and their hormonal changes drive them to immature and irresponsible acts. Telling them to be responsible and act matured is like trying to command the waves to stop crashing on the beach.
This is reverting to the old syllabus. It didn't work then. Why would it work now? And the vulnerable/stupid kids will continue to do stupid things advised by their stupid friends who tell them the wrong things that will get them into trouble.
Wouldn't it be better to give them the facts, tell them to talk to their parents, tell them what is fact and what is value, and tell them to respond to the situation in the most responsible way.
Or do conservatives believe that STD is God's punishment for premarital sex and condom use is thwarting God's natural punishment mechanism? Maybe we should teach that.]
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